Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Bulwer-Lytton Prize 2011

Each year contestants are asked to compose the opening sentence to the worst possible novel. The inspiration is the opening sentence to "Paul Clifford", by Sir Edward Bulwer-Lytton:

"It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents – except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness"
This year's winner:
"Cheryl's mind turned like the vanes of a wind-powered turbine, chopping her sparrow-like thoughts into bloody pieces that fell onto a growing pile of forgotten memories."
Pretty good, but the winner in the Romance Novel category made me laugh:
"As the dark and mysterious stranger approached, Angela bit her lip anxiously, hoping with every nerve, cell, and fiber of her being that this would be the one man who would understand – who would take her away from all this – and who would not just squeeze her boob and make a loud honking noise, as all the others had."

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